++After a year

adapt or die
(from greys anatomy)
and that's how i see it.
its been a year. and trust me, there was never any easy day for me.
i might went out having fun, laughout loud and scream 'free!!!'
but then, at the end of the day, i'll go back home, missing him and end up crying alone in my sleep.
people were like 'oh has1fah, move on already!!!'
scream all u want.
my mind was saying 'avoid seeing him or them'
but my heart refused. on my defense, unconsciously.
yea i know, disitu salah aku. and, i'm getting tired of hearing people judging.
and i know for sure, that is, just equally (if not greater) as much as people hate it to hear me when i never failed to cry after seeing him with/without them.
i know, i know. ive been getting all the hints and yet, i still didnot avoid him at all. i didnot stop the smses, the calls, the IMs, the emails, the meetings..
i know he'll stop if i had stopped replying (or starting). but i didnot.
yea i know, salah aku.. when i didnot removed all the pictures already.
not in the world wide web, not off the walls too.
yea i know, salah aku..

i told myself to just adapt, instead of dying.
dying, literally, not as in korek lubang kubur and went dead.
but dying as in terminating all the single sources leading me to him.
cutting friends, maybe little by little..
burn all the pictures and memories.
deactivate facebook account?
but, i chose adapt.
adapt to the situation, literally, becoming less and less prone to the sensitiveness and cloudy eyes when surrounded by the people asking when is your turn?
or 'u guys bila lagi?'s questions when they were discussing about their pregnant woman (i cant believe his fren is actually asking me that? i choked tatau nak jawab ape, man, u? of all the people??)
or are u guys back together?
i'll just adapt, and then, one day, i'm gonna be fine.

sumpah!
or no.
wallahualam.

adapt or die?*

*and i dont want any advice/s.
currently listening to:whataya want from me
currently feeling:sad
i wanna be:a supermodel